Saying Goodbye to the SBC - A Farewell Letter

You know how it is. You date that girl or guy, you fall in love, you get married, and suddenly things are not as you thought. Don't get me wrong, I have been married almost 26 years. I love my husband. I highly encourage and support marriage. But if we are honest, once that marriage license is signed, often things are not always as dreamy and easy as we originally hoped they would be. We find out quickly what little annoying habits the other has. Or maybe you go into that commitment believing you will change the other person. Sure, she hates my friends, or doesn't let me watch sports on Saturday, but I can change her. I can love her enough to change her mind. I can get her to think like me.

For 25 years of vocational ministry, I have been a proud member of the Southern Baptist Convention. I signed the papers thinking it would be easy. I love Jesus, I love people, that's what matters right? That's all it takes. In my ministry classes at my Texas Baptist university, I was given no reason to think otherwise. My professors encouraged me and supported me, my male counterparts never told me I couldn't be part of their club. I even took preaching classes and was encouraged to continue with my calling. The honeymoon was great!

All that changed when I went to seminary, an SBC seminary. Not only did I not feel supported in my calling, I was discouraged, by professors, by my male counterparts, by generally everyone. I learned quickly the SBC was not a friendly place for women who wanted to preach, or pastor in any extent beyond children's ministry (and the kitchen of course). But, I have always been a rebel of sorts, I have always thought I could do what others tell me I can't. I could change the SBC, I could get them to think like me. I could make a difference for women everywhere.

So, I continued for years to be part of that world. I was not very good at it. Keeping my opinions to myself has never been my strength and an outspoken female does not fit well in a male dominated world, but an outspoken female, in a pastoral position, in the SBC, well, that was bound to not end well. And it didn't.

Finally at 47 years old, I give up. I cannot and will not do this anymore. I am not sure it matters to anyone if I stay or leave. I actually imagine it will make "them" happy. In their mind I have been living in sin anyway, I have misunderstood God's calling, I have done nothing but irritate them, I am sure they are happy to see me go. I am sure they do not care how many people I have led to Christ. I am sure they don't care how much money I have paid to them over all these years. I am sure they do not care about the teenagers and college students I walked beside for years and discipled, some of who are now adults and leaders in their churches. No, they care that I am a female and that I stay in my place, and if I refuse to, they are quick to tell me I should "just go somewhere else."

So today they get their wish. I will go somewhere else. I will find a church and denomination that will again celebrate and encourage me to use my gifts in the Body, the gifts given to me by the Holy Spirit.

This is not an easy decision. It hurts to leave, it is almost like a divorce.There are so many things you do well, that I have come to love, so many things that have made me happy. But those days are over. There is now only grief and anger and sadness. And make no mistake here, SBC, I blame you. I fought for you, defended you, gave sacrificially to you, and what matters at the end of the day is not my service or my love for you, but my gender. Doesn't at all seem like Jesus to me. Doesn't at all sound like the God-man who befriended and empowered women, but I guess looking like Jesus is secondary these days.

I will continue to pray for my friends, all good people, who make up this denomination. I will cherish the good times and I will pray that God blesses Southern Baptist's, but I cannot anymore participate and be involved in an organization that I believe has been so toxic for so many. I cannot continue to battle, and be hurt again and again. I don't hate you, SBC, I don't wish your demise, I am sad, sad we couldn't make it work, because whether you realize it or not, us women, have so much to offer you. We could have made a great team. It could have been an amazing marriage.